Parental Alienating Behaviours (PABs)
"When a child is manipulated into rejecting a loving parent or other family member, it can break their spirit. It robs them of their joy, shatters their self-worth, and convinces them they are unlovable, trapped, and to blame. What’s taken isn’t just a relationship, it’s their innocence, their sense of safety, and their ability to trust their own heart."
— Amanda Sillars
Parental Alienating Behaviours are Child Abuse & Family Violence
Amanda Sillars is the founding director of the Eeny Meeny Miney Mo Foundation (EMMM) and Parental Alienation Awareness Day in Australia and New Zealand, which is on the 12th of October during Mental Health Week.
Visit the EMMM website for information about parental alienating behaviours, the dynamics and processes, and the harm they cause.
What is PA and PABs?
Parental alienation (PA) occurs when a child resists contact with a parent or rejects a parent without any valid or rational justification as a result of emotional manipulation or coercion exerted by one or more individuals, such as a parent or another person. This manipulation sways the child's feelings, perceptions, and behaviour towards the targeted parent, often leading to the child's unwarranted rejection of that parent.
Parental alienating behaviours (PABs) can include but are not limited to, a parent or another person speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the child, sharing inappropriate details about the parental conflict, limiting or controlling the child's contact with the other parent, and making false allegations of bad parenting or abuse. Tactics may also involve guilt-tripping, withdrawing affection, rewarding the child for rejecting the other parent or punishing the child for maintaining a relationship with the targeted parent. Additionally, the alienating individual may use half-truths, lies, and revising history to further manipulate the child's perception. In some cases, the child may be subjected to interrogation-like questioning, leading them to confess to things that did not occur, reinforcing false narratives and further entrenching the child's resistance to the targeted parent.
Tips For Parents on How to Reunify
Free Space is the space you create for your children to return to where:
- There is no emotional pressure or expectation
- They are not made to feel guilty or responsible for adult relationships
- They can connect with you in peace, on their terms
- They are free to think and feel for themselves
- Their boundaries, verbal, emotional, and physical, are consistently respected
- They are free to love both parents without fear of consequence
- The focus is forward, not stuck in the unresolved past
- They don’t have to comfort, defend, or explain themselves to you
- They are not exposed to adult pain, legal battles, or family conflict
- They feel seen as children, not surrogates for adult roles or wounds
- They experience you as emotionally stable, safe, and unchanging, even if they can’t yet respond
This space is not silent, cold, or detached. It is warm, present, and open, anchored in love rather than expectation.
Resources
- Resources List for parents, grandparents & practitioners.
- Latest Research from around the world in science and law
Nearly 40% of the Parental Alienation literature has been published since 2016. Parental Alienation research has moved beyond an early stage of scientific development and has produced a scientifically trustworthy knowledge base.